By: Allama Mohammed Shihabuddin Nadvi
Rendered into English: Aneesur Rahman Nadvi
The importance of married life
Getting married and living a family life is a good and right thing to do, both religiously and worldly. Marital life not only brings worldly benefits but also raises one’s spiritual status. For asceticism and worship too, there is requirement of attentiveness of heart which cannot be attained without marriage. On the contrary, there have been many ascetics who have given up monasticism after a lifetime of asceticism by becoming a captive of a fairy face and have accepted their defeat by prostrating in the court of beauty.
Imam al-Ghazali (RA) wrote in his famous book Ahyaa al-Uloom (Revival of Sciences) that there are five benefits (or purposes) of marriage which are as follows:
1 – Having children, which is the chief purpose of marriage.
2 – Avoiding the devil and breaking the lust, so that it can help one to keep one’s eyes down and live a pure life.
3 – Relieving the self, so that it may strengthen one’s worship and devotion, as it has been stated in the Holy Qur’an:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِه اَنْ خَلَقَ لَکُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِکُمْ اَزْوَاجاً لِتَسْکُنُوْا إِلَيْھَا۔ (الروم: 21)
“And of His Signs is that He has created wives for you from among yourselves, that you may find tranquility in them.” (Romans: 21)
4 – Freeing the heart for the management of the household, so that it can gladly agree to provide household items. If a person did not have sexual desire, then it would be difficult for him to live alone at home.
5 – Payment of rights of family members and putting oneself to the task of training and reforming them, and enduring hardships in the way of earning a halal income for the upbringing of his children.[1]
What kind of man is required for a relationship?
Two strangers (man and woman) are tied in a bond through marriage and made one forever. Therefore, the first issue for living a married (family) life is the choice of a mate or spouse, whether he is a man or a woman, who get the above mentioned benefits by becoming a partner and companion at every stage of life, and make life successful by being friends with each other. Because life is not just about having fun, instead it is about getting together for the good in this world and the hereafter. Therefore, in choosing both man and woman, great care should be taken.
But nowadays, people usually look for rich or well-fed boys for marriage. They pay very little attention to morality and piety. But in the eyes of the Shari’ah, on the contrary, morality and piety are more important. This fact is proved by both the Qur’an and the Hadith of the Prophet. The Qur’an says:
وَاَنْکِحُوْا الْاَيَامى مِنْکُمْ وَالصّلِحِيْنَ مِنْ عِبَادِکُمْ وَاِمَاءِکُمْ، إِنْ يَّکُوْنُوْا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِيْھِمُ اللّہُ مِنْ فَضْلِہ۔ (نور: ٣٢)
“And marry those among you who are unmarried (men and women), as well as those of your male and female slaves who are virtuous. If they are poor (at that time) then Allah will make them rich out of His grace.” (Qur’an:24:32)
Two important issues are stated in this verse:
1 – In Muslim society, men and women who are unmarried should get married. The word “ayama” is used for both unmarried men and women. And the scope of this word includes virgin girls, divorced women and widows. [2]
2 – If such unmarried men and women are poor and helpless but they are good in habits and manners, then they should be married regardless of their poverty. Because Allah Almighty will make such people rich and prosperous with His bounty. As the hadiths mentioned in the previous pages have shed a lot of light on this subject.
So Ibn Mas’ud (RA) said:
التمسوا الغنى فى النکاح:
Seek wealth (prosperity) in marriage. Then he read this verse as evidence. [3]
The first caliph, Hazrat Abu Bakr Siddiq (RA) said in this regard:
اطيعوا اللہ فيما امرکم به من النکاح، ينجز لکم ما وعدکم من الغني۔ قال تعالى: اِنْ يَّکُوْنُوْا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِھِمُ اللّہُ مِنْ فَضْلِه:
“Obey what Allah has commanded about marriage, then He will fulfill His promise of wealth for you. Thus Allah says: “If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty.” [4]
Similarly, the second caliph, Hazrat Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA), said in this regard:
ابتغوا الغنى فى الباءة:
Look for wealth (or prosperity in the economy) in marriage. Then he recited this verse. “If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty.” [5]
Further interpretation of this verse is given in some of the authentic hadiths as follows:
إذا جاء کم من ترضون دينہ وخلقہ فانکحوہ، الا تفعلوا تکن فتنة فى الارض وفساد کبير:
The Prophet (PBUH) said: When a person comes to you (with the marriage proposal) whose religion and morals you are satisfied with, marry him. If you do not do this, there will be wickedness and great immorality on the earth.[6]
أنکحو الصالحين والصالحات:
The Prophet (PBUH) said: O Muslims, marry good men and good women.[7]
انکحوا الايامى منکم۔ قالوا ما العلائق؟ قال ما تراضى عليه الأھلون:
“Marry the unmarried men and women among you. The companions asked, “On what grounds?” He said, “On which you can agree with each other.” [8]
If there is wealth along with piety, then it will add to the beauty and elegance. But it is not right to put religion aside, giving priority to wealth in all circumstances. But in this case, people usually look interested in wealth and worldliness. As this fact has been uncovered in a hadith of the Prophet (PBUH):
ان احساب اھل الدنيا، الذى يذھبون اليه المال:
The Prophet (PBUH) said: The lineage of the people of this world towards which they run is wealth.[9] (Although the real thing is piety).
In this sense, the main criterion in Islam is morality and piety and this is the view of Imam Malik which is also narrated from some of the Companions of Prophet (RA).[10] On the contrary, other jurists have also taken into consideration, in addition to religion, lineage and money also in this regard.[11] But the hadiths which are argued in this regard are very weak.[12] For this reason, some of the most respected scholars in the Hanafis, such as Abu al-Hasan Karkhi and Imam Abu Bakr al-Jasas, also agreed with Imam Malik and Imam Sufyan al-Thawri and do not consider efficiency (equality in terms of lineage and occupation etc.) in marriage as valid.[13]
Lineage versus religiosity
In a nutshell, lineage and professions are not very reliable in Islam, although they can be reliable in some cases. But it is very difficult to set a rule for this. It is not possible to adhere to the details given by the jurists in general in this regard. Rather, it should be left to the discretion and insight of the parties themselves. If people on both sides agree with each other, then there can be no dispute. And the same thing has been said by some jurists. For example, Imam Sarakhsi Hanafi (RA) writes:
“It is permissible for a woman to marry an unequal (inferior person) and one of her guardians agrees to the marriage.”[14]
And Mullah Ali Qari Hanafi writes: “If a woman or her guardian agrees to marry an unequal person, then the marriage will be valid.”[15]
The same thing is narrated from Imam Shafi’i (RA) that such an unequal marriage is not unlawful or haram, but it is a matter of defect for the woman and her guardians. Otherwise, if they agree, then the marriage will be valid.[16]
These explanations solve this problem to a great extent. However, according to the Qur’an, the real thing in this regard is piety and piousness. As the saying goes:
يَا اَيُّھَا لنَّاسُ اِنَّا خَلَقْنکُمْ مِنْ ذَکَرٍ وَّاُنْثى وَجَعَلْنکُمْ شُعُوْباً وَّقَبَائِلَ لتَعَارَفُوا اِنَّ اَکْرَمَکُمْ عِنْدَ اللّہِ اَتْقَاکُمْ۔ (حجرات:١3)
“O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female. Then We divided you into nations and tribes so that you may identify one another. Surely the most honorable of you in the sight of Allah is the most pious of you.”
The interpretation of this principle is narrated in some hadiths that once the Holy Prophet (PBUH) delivered a sermon on the occasion of the days of Tashreeq and said:
“O people! Your Lord is One and your father (Adam) is one. There is no superiority for an Arab over a non-Arab, nor for a non-Arab over an Arab, nor for a red over a black, nor for a black over a red, except by piety.”[17]
The Prophet (PBUH) said: “Your Lord is One and your father is one. Therefore, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab or a white has no superiority over a black except for piety and abstinence.”[18]
Abu Dharr al-Ghiffari (RA) said: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said to him: Look, you are not better than any white or black person, except that you excel him in piety.[19]
Once the Holy Prophet (PBUH) delivered a sermon in front of the people and said: O group of Quraish! Allah has removed from you the pride of the age of ignorance and the addiction of being proud of one’s ancestors. All people are from Adam (AS) and Adam (AS) was from dust. Then he recited this verse: “O people! We have created you from a male and a female.”[20]
Ibn Qayyim has discussed this subject in Zad-ul-Ma’ad and has argued from some other Qur’anic verses in this regard, which are very thought provoking.[21]
(to be cont.)
References:
1 – Summary from Ihyaul Uloom, Imam Ghazali, 2L24-31, Darul Ma’rifa, Beirut.
2 – Tafsir Kashaaf, 3/63; Tafir Kabir, 23/210, New Edition; Tafsir Qurtubi, 12/239.
3 – Tafsir Qurtubi, 12/241.
4 – Ibn Abi Hatim, Narrated by Kanzul Ummal, 16/486.
5- Musannaf Abdul Razzaq & Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaiba, Narrated by Kanzul Ummal, 16/486.
6 – Jami Tirmizi, 3/395; Sunan Ibn Majah, 1/632; Mustadrak Hakim, 2/165.
7 – Sunan Darimi, 2/137.
8 – Al Sunan Al Kubra, Baihaqi; Al Kamil Ibn Adi, Narrated by Kanzul Ummal, 16/322.
9 – Sunan Nasaie, 2/679; Mustadrak Hakim, 2/163; Musnad Ahmed, 5/353.
10 – For details refer Fathul Bari, Ibn Hajar, 9/132, Riyadh.
11 – Mirqat Commentary of Mishkat, Mulla Ali Qari, 3/406, Bombay; Also Tuhfatul Ahwazi Commentary of Tirmizi, Moulana Abdul Rahman Mubarakpuri, 4/204, Darul Fikr, Beirut.
12 – See Umdatul Qari, Allama Badruddin Aini, 20/87, Lahore; Nasbur Raya, Allama Zailaie, 3/196-197, Majlis Ilmi; Kitabul Mauzuat, Allama Ibn Jauzi, 2/263, Darul Fikr; Al La’ie Al Masnoah, Siwuti, 2/165, Darul Ma’rifa; Al Fawaid Al Majmoa, Allama Showkani, p. 130, Al Sunnah Al Mohammdiya.
13 – See Fathul Qadeer, Allama Ibn Humam, 3/187; Raddul Mohtar, Allama Ibn Abideen, 2/345, Quetta; Also Bada’ie Al Sanaya, Kasani, 2/317, Karachi.
14 – Al Mabsoot, 5/26, Karachi.
15 – Mirqat Sharhu Mishkat, 3/406, Bombay.
16 – Nailul Awtar, Kasani, 6/263, Riyadh.
17 – Musnad Ahmed, 5/411, Darul Fikr, Beirut. Its chain of transmission is correct (Zadul Maad, 5/158).
18 – Narrated by Tabrani and Bazzaz, The chain of transmission of Bazzaz is correct; Majmauz Zawayad, 8/84.
19 – Narrated by Ahmed,
20 – Abu Dawood, Kitab al Adab, 5/340; Tirmidhi, Abwabul Manaqib, 5/390; Musnad Ahmed, 2/361.
21 – See Zad al-Maad, Compiled by: Shoaib Al Arnout, 5/158-161, Muassatur Risala.